By T.J. Griffin and Kelly Jameson, Ph.D., LPC-S | Contributors, Grant Halliburton Foundation
While many people cherish the holiday season, it can also bring a significant amount of stress. The joys of the season can become overshadowed by the various pressures that accompany it. Is it possible to change this narrative? Can we find ways to alleviate the stress?
To examine this issue, we conducted a survey to identify the primary stressors during the holidays. We then consulted Dallas therapist Dr. Kelly Jameson for her professional insights on navigating these challenges and managing our high expectations during this festive period.
Q: Our survey indicated that most individuals perceive “obligations” and “expectations” as their top sources of holiday stress. Why do you think this is such a major concern?
A: The holidays are often viewed as a time for joy, connection, and celebration—elements that many of us find lacking throughout the year. This longing for connection leads us to over-schedule and try to cram as much joy into just a few weeks from Thanksgiving to Christmas. In an effort to maximize this joy, we experience what I refer to as the 4Fs: Festive Family Fun Fatigue.
In an effort to maximize this joy, we experience what I refer to as the 4Fs: Festive Family Fun Fatigue.
Dr. Kelly Jameson
Q: What strategies can we use to alleviate the stress associated with holiday obligations and expectations?
A: There are two key strategies: an internal approach and an external one.
Internally, cultivating gratitude can be beneficial. Each morning, remind yourself that the holidays are meant to be joyous and appreciate the presence of loved ones. Focus on the people rather than the decorations, gifts, or meals.
Avoid indulging in the holiday hype, which can lead to overwhelm. When you choose not to engage with the stress, your experience will transform for the better. Remember, your perception shapes your reality; whether you anticipate stress or joy, you will likely be correct.
Externally, be proactive! If you’re hosting or visiting family, inform them ahead of time that you’re opting for a “traditional holiday,” a “simple gathering,” or a “classic celebration” to set expectations that emphasize a less-is-more mindset.
Additionally, take charge of your planning. Like many aspects of life, we often want the outcome without putting in the necessary effort. Organizing your calendar and activities tailored to your family’s needs is crucial. A quick online search for “holiday planning” can yield effective strategies to help you stay organized.
Many complain about holiday stress, yet how many people are taking the steps to prepare in advance?
Q: It’s well known that shopping and gift-giving can be significant stressors during the holidays. How can one alleviate this pressure?
A: There are effective solutions, although they might be challenging to accept. For larger families, consider drawing names, setting guidelines that restrict gift exchanges to just the kids, adopting a theme for gifts (like movies or books), or imposing a spending cap. You might already be thinking of reasons these suggestions won’t work for your family—this illustrates a resistance to a less-is-more approach.
It’s also important to dismiss the notion that you must reciprocate every gift. This mindset can lead to a never-ending cycle of obligation. Embrace the simple act of gratitude and move forward without feeling the need to match every gesture.
Embrace the simple act of gratitude and move forward without feeling the need to match every gesture.
Q: Family tensions seem almost inevitable during the holidays, often surfacing at the most inconvenient times. What steps can be taken to minimize this kind of drama?
A: This is a challenging question! If I had a definitive answer, I would be a millionaire! However, the fact remains that while your family may not completely avoid drama during the holidays, you can choose to refrain from fueling it.
In my work with teenagers who often face their own social dramas, I advise them to avoid engaging and instead opt to smile and nod as they move on. This tactic is also useful for navigating tense conversations with family members, like Uncle Larry’s unsolicited opinions or Aunt Pam’s awkward questions. Use humor or change the subject to redirect the conversation, or simply acknowledge their comments without escalating the situation.
Moreover, it’s helpful to have a brief conversation with your partner before family gatherings. Something like, “You know my family can be challenging for me. I’d appreciate your support to prevent tensions from spilling over into our relationship during the festivities.” This simple acknowledgment can reinforce your bond and create a supportive atmosphere between you two. I can personally attest to the effectiveness of this approach.
Q: The holidays can intensify feelings of grief or loss. How can someone honor those feelings while still finding joy during this season?
A: As you prepare for the holidays, dedicate time to remember and honor those who are no longer with you. This could involve engaging in activities they enjoyed, allowing you to foster their memory in a celebratory way.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by grief, opt for quiet moments at home where you can reflect on and cherish the memories of your loved one. Look through old photos, read their cards, or handle items that belonged to them. Take the time necessary to process your emotions and reminisce about your connection with that person. Ignoring these feelings only compounds them; it’s essential to allow yourself the opportunity to grieve and remember.
Editor’s Note: The Grant Halliburton Foundation is dedicated to enhancing mental health resources for youth and promoting awareness to prevent suicide. For further information, visit GrantHalliburton.org.
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