By Dr. Sandy Gluckman | Contributor
You are a caring and dedicated parent who cherishes your children immensely. They are your everything, and you would go to great lengths to ensure their safety and happiness. Yet, with life’s unpredictability, it’s completely understandable that many parents find themselves under a considerable amount of stress.
Parental Stress is Transmissible
An important aspect of stress that often goes unnoticed by parents is its ability to permeate the family environment. While you might not verbalize your feelings of stress, your children—regardless of age—are perceptive and can sense your emotional state. Amazingly, when they perceive your stress, it has the potential to alter their own physiological state, causing them to feel stressed too.
Research has demonstrated that even the most composed facade can’t completely mask your stress from your children. One of the paramount duties you hold as a parent is to ensure you’re not unintentionally passing your stress onto your kids.
Mitigating Your Stress is an Act of Love for Your Child
I often witness parents going to great lengths to bring joy to their children, yet they frequently overlook the most crucial step that can significantly enhance their kids’ lives: actively reducing their own stress levels.
Given the high-pressure environment in which we live, it’s vital for moms and dads to recognize that their own stress can trigger stress responses in their children.
I don’t expect parents to become experts in neurobiology, but it’s essential to acknowledge that our high-stress world impacts the neurobiology of children as well. When kids sense your tension—whether it be through your facial expressions, body language, or the tone of your voice—their emotional well-being can suffer, leading to destructive behavior and challenges in learning and enjoyment of life.
A Brief Insight into Neurobiology
Your own stress activates the amygdala, a critical area in your child’s brain. This triggers a message to the hypothalamus, which signals the pituitary gland, indicating that “mom or dad is stressed.” The result is a release of stress hormones, pushing the child into a fight-or-flight state. Consequently, you may notice your child displaying anger or withdrawal. Unfortunately, this can lead to misdiagnosis as defiance or depression when, in reality, the underlying cause is simply stress stemming from their caregivers—and that stress can be contagious. The solution lies in learning to become a less-stressed parent.
So, how can you lessen your stress, allowing your child to perceive you as a calm, centered, and joyful individual?
Four Steps to Create a Stress-Free Family Environment
- Acknowledge that your child is attuned to your stress levels. Identify at least three actions you both can take to alleviate stress. Discuss the potential consequences of not making these changes.
- Compile a list of what may be stressing your child. Even if these triggers seem trivial to you, they may profoundly impact your child’s spirit, health, and mental state.
- Consider strategies to eliminate these stressors from your child’s life. If issues arise from school, advocate on your child’s behalf to collaborate with educators. If the stress emanates from home, you may need to implement lifestyle or relational adjustments. For irrational fears, seek the guidance of a qualified practitioner who can offer useful coping strategies.
- Evaluate the ambiance of your home. Does it contribute to a calming atmosphere? Are the colors soothing, and is the space organized yet comfortable? Is there ample natural light? If not, contemplate potential adjustments.
Making even minor modifications can lead to significant reductions in stress. Keep in mind that your child’s emotional, physical, and mental health hinges on your willingness to remove sources of stress from their environment.
Editor’s Note: Dr. Sandy Gluckman is a specialist in learning and behavior, helping parents navigate challenges with tweens and teens facing attention, behavior, or emotional issues. Visit her website at www.drsandygluckman.com.
