By Deborah Walsh Dobbs, M.A. | Contributor
Last year, the film The Shawshank Redemption, inspired by a novella from Stephen King, experienced a resurgence. With its setting in a correctional facility, the story encompasses significant themes of hardship and despair, while continually highlighting the values of friendship and hope. Viewers observe how certain inmates not only adapt but infuse their lives at Shawshank Prison with purpose. One character, Brooks, nurtures a baby crow, feeding it maggots scavenged from the prison meals. Another character, Red, is known for his resourceful ways of procuring items like cigarettes and posters for his fellow inmates. Andy Dufresne manages to convince the prison warden to allow him the opportunity to build a library. Indeed, 2020 proved to be a noteworthy year for the renaissance of The Shawshank Redemption.
While I wouldn’t compare our societal reaction to COVID-19 to that of imprisonment, it is evident that we’ve had to make adjustments and relinquish certain freedoms we previously took for granted.
Despite the rollout of a vaccine, the end of the pandemic remains uncertain.
During periods of lockdowns and strict regulations, social media was flooded with updates showcasing new hobbies. One prevalent trend was baking bread. Personally, I purchased a banjo, which I continue to play—albeit not very well. If you are familiar with a teenager, you may have noticed peculiar behaviors over the past several months, such as frequently rearranging their room, experimenting with different color schemes, altering hairstyles, or even organizing closets and pantries. Many teens have shown heightened awareness of their surroundings, creating positive atmospheres by lighting candles, burning incense, or playing soothing music. These were more than just distractions from boredom; they enriched our lives with meaning. Although the initial excitement may have diminished, the importance of deriving meaning from our experiences persists.
Adolescence is characterized by the development of independence and the shift towards friendships over parental reliance.
The pandemic has disrupted a crucial developmental phase, depriving many adolescents of a typical teenage experience. However, they still possess the ability to determine how they will navigate through these challenges. Finding meaning is not merely about adopting a positive outlook in adverse situations; it involves making conscious choices regarding what one can create from these experiences. Additionally, making meaning differs from discovering a life purpose. (I did not witness any pandemic bakers quitting their jobs to launch artisan bread businesses.) The process can occur in small increments or be quite significant, predictable or surprising, often revealing itself through trial and experimentation.
Everyone’s journey toward making meaning is unique, so it’s essential to avoid imposing expectations on others (including yourself).
An assignment or a suggestion might spark inspiration, but genuine meaning emerges naturally and organically.
So, how can you encourage your teen in their quest for meaning?
If your child feels comfortable communicating openly with you, simply inquire about any emerging interests or ideas they may have. You could also extend an invitation to share a hobby or interest together to foster conversation. Keep in mind that it is normal for a teenager to decline the offer, but this can pave the way for discussions about their preferences or aspirations. If natural conversation doesn’t flow, observe for clues. If you notice your teen taking a shine to something new or old, support that interest. (Just be cautious not to appear overly enthusiastic, as this could backfire!) Many teens are weary of technology due to online schooling and are yearning for more tactile experiences. A number are gravitating towards “retro” activities like listening to vinyl records, completing jigsaw puzzles, or crafting friendship bracelets. Consider introducing fresh items into their environment, such as board games, art supplies, paint-by-number kits, model airplane kits, sidewalk chalk, or sports equipment like basketballs or skateboards. Simply placing these items in plain view may spark their curiosity. Perhaps you have a Brooks-inspired individual who would enjoy placing a bird feeder by their window. Maybe a Red could help manage inventory in your pantry and oversee grocery shopping (or at least create the lists). If you have an Andy Dufresne in your midst, she might consider building a piece of furniture using books she’s devoured during the pandemic.
The pandemic seems unending, its effects oscillating between profound sadness and persistent boredom. As parents, we may feel exhausted, frustrated, or powerless. Unfortunately, we cannot resolve these issues for our teens. We’re unable to restore what they’ve lost or missed. When it comes to forging meaning from these chaotic times, we can’t undertake this journey for them. Nevertheless, we can create opportunities for our children to explore how they wish to derive meaning for themselves.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Deborah Walsh Dobbs is a sociologist with over two decades of experience at The Counseling Place, a non-profit organization committed to enhancing emotional well-being in individuals of all ages. She holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of Texas at Austin and a Master of Arts from the University of North Texas. Passionate about food, whiskey, and wine, Deborah also embraces her roles as a mother, wife, non-profit director, and writer. Connect with her at 469.283.0242 or visit counselingplace.org.
